What will you do to me?

“What will you do to me?”
“How hard will you kick me?”
“How far will you push me?”

I get asked questions along these lines fairly often, and my answers are always essentially the same.

Everything that happens in a session with me is negotiated in advance. The specific activities I offer and enjoy are listed on my website; you define which of these you are interested in and what is off limits, and I plan the session accordingly. 

This includes pain. Some people don’t want to be hurt at all; others fantasise about being pushed to their limits or beyond them. It is your job to convey your expectations as best you can. It is my job to take your limits into account, gauge your reactions while we play, and consider the risks that are involved. 

For those who fantasise about the more extreme play, understand that trust goes in both directions. I always err on the side of caution with people I am meeting for the first time, and progress in intensity over subsequent sessions as we build a deeper understanding. Bear in mind that some forms of play can cause real injury if misjudged and taken too far; for example, rope suspension can cause nerve damage, and heavy blows to the testicles can cause rupture or torsion. I will not engage in play that I feel is unsafe, even if you consent to it.

I always respond to enquiries like these if I feel the intention behind the question is genuine. However, occasionally people ask me questions like this not to negotiate their limits ahead of a session, but in the hopes that I will respond with an exciting and detailed written description of their fantasy – without getting paid for it. The reaction I get to these answers usually indicates the intention behind the original question.  


Visiting a professional mistress: Reassurance for nervous newbies

Visiting a dominatrix for the first time is a big step, and I appreciate that potential clients may be nervous or apprehensive. Here I will address a number of specific concerns I often come across.  

Your kinks are OK

Unfortunately there is a lot of misinformation and stigma around BDSM play, and submissive males in particular are often made to feel inadequate or ashamed for their desires. However, it is my firm belief that sexual kinks are normal and natural and that it is healthy to explore them with other consenting adults. I also believe that the desire to be submissive in a sexual context in no way compromises someone’s masculinity or strength as a person in day to day life. Part of my aim in doing this work is to help people explore their desires in a safe, discreet and non judgemental environment.

Nothing is “wierd”

Professional mistresses are not easily shocked. Please feel free to be honest with me about your desires, even if you feel that they are extreme or unusual. Every Domme’s specialities and limits are different, so if I don’t feel like I can cater to your request, I will do my best to connect you with someone who can. 

That said, although fantasies involving such scenarios are common, I do not endorse or facilitate any kind of play that causes permanent physical harm, other serious  irreversible consequences or the involvement of other people who have not consented (examples include castration, complete financial ruin, or explicit public play). 

Discretion is assured (and expected in return)

No professional mistress has anything to gain by exposing a client’s details, including real names, email addresses, phone numbers or payment details. You will not be “outed” to family or colleagues, nor will I approach you should we come across each other outside of a session. 

Sessions do not need to be painful

Some people enjoy pain, to varying extents. Some do not. Also, an individual’s pain threshold may vary day to day depending on a range of external factors. Be realistic with me about what you are comfortable with and I will plan the session accordingly.

Your limits will be respected

I prefer to establish as much of an understanding of your interests and limits prior to the session. Once you arrive, I will explain how I use safewords. You are entitled to stop the scene at any point if you feel uncomfortable, or to ease off or switch activities if you are reaching your limit.

Everyone was new once

It is normal to be apprehensive or anxious about a new experience. However, there is no need to worry about saying or doing the ‘wrong’ thing due to lack of experience; I will clearly explain to you what I expect and need from you both prior to and during the session. 

All bodies and genders are fine

I enjoy sessions with clients who enjoy similar activities to me and with whom I have a good rapport; this has nothing to do with physical attractiveness. I do not care about your gender, weight, race, body hair or dick size (if you have one). If you have a physical disability or health issue that may affect the session, please let me know in advance and I will do my best to accommodate.