What will you do to me?

“What will you do to me?”
“How hard will you kick me?”
“How far will you push me?”

I get asked questions along these lines fairly often, and my answers are always essentially the same.

Everything that happens in a session with me is negotiated in advance. The specific activities I offer and enjoy are listed on my website; you define which of these you are interested in and what is off limits, and I plan the session accordingly. 

This includes pain. Some people don’t want to be hurt at all; others fantasise about being pushed to their limits or beyond them. It is your job to convey your expectations as best you can. It is my job to take your limits into account, gauge your reactions while we play, and consider the risks that are involved. 

For those who fantasise about the more extreme play, understand that trust goes in both directions. I always err on the side of caution with people I am meeting for the first time, and progress in intensity over subsequent sessions as we build a deeper understanding. Bear in mind that some forms of play can cause real injury if misjudged and taken too far; for example, rope suspension can cause nerve damage, and heavy blows to the testicles can cause rupture or torsion. I will not engage in play that I feel is unsafe, even if you consent to it.

I always respond to enquiries like these if I feel the intention behind the question is genuine. However, occasionally people ask me questions like this not to negotiate their limits ahead of a session, but in the hopes that I will respond with an exciting and detailed written description of their fantasy – without getting paid for it. The reaction I get to these answers usually indicates the intention behind the original question.